Skinny jeans. I mean the super-skinny jeans that I distinctly remember seeing on the streets of London back in the late eighties. They look great on most women, but all men...well...lads. Look, I'm sure you're proud of your meat and two veg, but that's something we don't need to see, 'kay. » 8/28/14 4:40pm 8/28/14 4:40pm

As much as I loved parts of Man of Steel (Cavill's face during the first flight sequence for example. Plus Cavill's body in blue spandex. And his arse. And his chest. And his arms. Oh, heck. Why not just say it - his bulge. There. I said it.) I find the "No Jokes" approach to be a bit shit. Comics and graphic… » 8/28/14 1:29pm 8/28/14 1:29pm

Just have their children taken off them, have the idiots charged with child abuse and attempted murder, have their right to have more children removed, and stick 'em in a nice jail for 20 years. And make immunisation non-negotiable. No vaccination? No kids or freedom for you, shitwit for two decades. Next. » 8/26/14 9:10am 8/26/14 9:10am

Now, see, I love the fights in IKEA. The best thing about them is that they *always* happen near some comfy seating (it's how I settled on my sofa back in 2007 - I was watching a couple having a screaming match) and they're almost like free entertainment when you think about it. Far better than the piped muzak. » 8/25/14 6:30pm 8/25/14 6:30pm

I think GotG had it all for a Marvel film - it had a brilliant cast (seriously), some amazing effects and visuals (they really laid down the gauntlet to that prat JJ Abrams with the space visuals), it had some pretty damned hilarious moments - I'm still cackling re: Rocky and the fake leg - and, to top it off, it has… » 8/24/14 2:36pm 8/24/14 2:36pm

Agree with this. Here in Scotland we're still going up in the world after the last Ice Age, and apparently bits of southern England are sinking. We're going up by something like 10cm per year, whilst southern England and parts of Ireland are sinking at 5cm per year. » 8/24/14 10:14am 8/24/14 10:14am

I always said that when Capaldi took over the role, that Who would see a drop off in the fans who expect the Doctor to be some young little sexy thing. Capaldi, I hate to tell you all this, is a fucking exceptional actor and this show has been missing that for some time (thanks, mostly, to the stupid and inept acting… » 8/24/14 12:17am 8/24/14 12:17am

I quite liked the last eruption. There was a period, for a few days, where the skies were crystalline blue over Scotland and you didn't need to be annoyed by the whining rumble of yet-another-Ryanair jet passing overhead. Wonder if that'll happen this time... » 8/23/14 6:54am 8/23/14 6:54am

I remember, years and years ago, an epic fanwank that became famous for someone's much-laughed-at claim that the anus is self-lubricating. That was poor erotic fan-fiction. And, baby, I've read and seen it all. From Harry Potter having arse-babies (no, really, he shits 'em out) to Twilight, right through to the… » 8/22/14 12:48am 8/22/14 12:48am

Now, see, this is why you should invest in decent swimwear from a decent company that has some idea of what they're doing, like Speedo, etc. Mind you, one of my mates (who isn't, ahem, the smallest boy out there) wears Aussiebum swimwear (he has about ten pairs. His wife despairs) and as anyone who knows anything… » 8/21/14 6:54pm 8/21/14 6:54pm